Why does my toddler want everything their big brother or sister has?
Your toddler wants what their big brother or sister has because they watch the big kid a lot. So what the big kid has looks like the thing to have. Often it is less about the object and more about what the big kid does with it. Give your toddler one thing that is theirs, picked for them.
The big kid zips up their school backpack, and your toddler grabs the strap and won't let go. They want that backpack, not just any backpack. Below is why toddlers watch the big kid so closely, why sharing is hard at this age, and five picks from our own line for one thing that can be theirs.
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Why is the big kid's backpack so special to a toddler?
A backpack is not just a bag to your toddler. It is what the big kid takes to school. Sharing is hard at this age. You don't need to buy a copy of everything. Let each child keep a few things that are only theirs.
Raising Children Network, an Australian parenting site supported by the Australian Government, writes about this watching on its page about family meals with toddlers: "Watching you and their older siblings eating different kinds of healthy foods at family meals can encourage your toddler to try different foods too." That page is about food, and we don't stretch it further. That the same goes for a backpack is our reading, not theirs. The same site has an age-by-age guide to sharing. It says: "Your 2-year-old might share some of the time. But sharing can be hard for toddlers." It also says that "it's OK for children to have some toys that they keep just for themselves."
The part that is yours is choosing what becomes your toddler's own. You don't need a copy of everything the big kid has. One thing, picked for your toddler, is enough, and the big kid's things stay the big kid's. Often the real wish is to do what the big kid does. We read more than 3,000 reviews of our backpacks, and dozens mention a brother or sister. One parent wrote: "He watches his big sister get ready for school everyday and has been asking for a backpack of his own." Another parent wrote: "My two year old loves to “go to school” like his older brother so I wanted to get him a backpack too." In our view, the big kid's old school bag is not the answer. It is sized for a school kid, so on a toddler it hangs down and ends up on your shoulder. That is why the picks below are our small backpacks, the right size for a child's little shoulders.
Which of our backpacks can be your toddler's own?
1. If they want a bag of their own, like the big kid
Naturally KIDS Toddler Backpack with Plush Dinosaur Toy
A removable plush T-Rex in soft corduroy rides on the front of this small backpack. Inside, there is room for a snack and a treasure. Padded, adjustable straps and an easy zipper small hands open on their own let your toddler pack it, zip it and carry it out the door, like the big kid. One grandparent wrote in a review: "He loves carrying a backpack like his older brother but this is small enough and not too heavy for him."
2. If they want pockets like the big kid's school bag
Naturally KIDS Toddler Backpack with Plush Pink Dinosaur Toy
This version has two side pockets for a water bottle and two inner pockets for small things, the way a school bag does. There is a name label inside. Write your toddler's name on it together, so it is clear whose bag it is. The pink T-Rex on the front is removable too.
3. If the unicorn is their pick
Naturally KIDS Toddler Backpack with Plush Unicorn Toy
Here the plush on the front is a unicorn. Your toddler can take it out for a hug and put it back. It is a soft plush that stays soft and holds its shape hug after hug.
4. If each child should know which bag is whose
Naturally KIDS Toddler Backpack with Plush Green Triceratops Toy
When the big kid already carries a backpack with a plush animal, pick a different animal for the little one. A green triceratops in soft corduroy makes it easy to tell the two bags apart. Your toddler picks the animal, and that choice is part of what makes the bag theirs.
5. If your toddler wants an animal nobody else in the family has
Naturally KIDS Toddler Backpack with Plush Teddy Bear Toy
A teddy bear sits on the front of this one, and it is removable as well. The same small backpack comes with a dog, a giraffe, a mouse and other animals. See them all in our catalog of backpacks with plush animals.
How do you handle "I want what they have"?
Three of these steps follow Raising Children Network: its page on preventing sibling fights and its guide to sharing. The other two are our own suggestions.
- Give them one thing that is theirs. Not a copy of everything the big kid gets. One thing, picked for them.
- Let each child keep some special things. Raising Children Network says: "Allow each child to have some special things of their own that they don't have to share with siblings." That goes for the little one too.
- Expect sharing to work only part of the time. The sharing guide says a 2-year-old "might share some of the time." So expect some grabs for the big kid's bag.
- Give them the same job, side by side. Your toddler carries their own snack to the car while the big kid carries theirs.
- Think fair, not the same. On family rules, Raising Children Network says "fair treatment doesn't always mean the same treatment." We think it works for things too: each child gets what fits them.
Our small backpack fits steps 1 and 4: one bag that is theirs, and a job they do next to the big kid.
What does this mean for your family?
Your toddler wants what the big kid has because they watch the big kid a lot. Often what they want is to do what the big kid does: pack a bag and walk out the door. Sharing is hard at this age, so expect some grabs. You don't need two of everything. Give your toddler one thing that is theirs, picked for them, and let each child keep a few things just for themselves. If that one thing is a backpack, pick one their size, not the big kid's old school bag. Our pick is the small backpack with a removable plush animal they choose themselves. We make these for younger brothers and sisters who want to head out the door like the big kid, and for the grown-ups holding that door for both.
Sources
- Raising Children Network — How to stop sibling fights from happening and help kids get along
- Raising Children Network — Helping children learn to share: an age-by-age guide
- Raising Children Network — Why it's good to eat family meals with toddlers
Frequently asked questions
The plush animal rides on the front of the backpack. It is removable: the child can take it out for a hug and put it back. So the animal is the toy, and the backpack carries a snack and a treasure. It is a soft plush that stays soft and holds its shape hug after hug.
It holds snacks, a water bottle, wipes, a small toy, or a thin book, and a small lunchbox. It is deliberately toddler-sized — enough for a daycare day, not for school.
Yes. It's soft, lightweight, and comfortable for toddlers and little kids to wear. The adjustable straps help it fit as they grow, and the zipper is easy for little hands to zip and unzip on their own.
Yes — it's machine washable in cold water, a lifesaver for toddlers and older kids. The removable plush toy stays soft and cuddly wash after wash, and the backpack holds its shape.
Yes. The small and medium Naturally KIDS backpacks with a removable plush, and the sets of a backpack with mini plush animals, arrive gift-ready in a kraft box. That makes two gifts in one box: a backpack and a plush friend. You can give the box as it comes, or wrap it.